It’s embarrassing to admit that I spent the better part of my freshman year falling in love. My plunge was total, unexpected, effortless, instant. He and I came together so forcefully, so naturally, that my only way of explaining it to bewildered friends back home was the transformation of a two-dimensional world into a three-dimensional one. Seemingly overnight I became a new creation.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I had just gotten my first exam back from Chem 5, and I was terrified to look at the grade. I knew I had not done well; following my high school habit, I had only prepared for the exam the day before. That turned out to be a huge mistake. I looked at my score in dismay: 46%.
I have always been depressed by the idea of being merely a "pretty good" person. Before I was a Christian, I identified myself only according to characteristics that I considered wholly good (and even noble) - the parts of me that appreciated things outside of myself that I thought were good, like nature or another person. That was the "real" me, but I had no way of reconciling this desire for goodness with poorer components in my character, such as selfishness.